i will survive...without you

don't you dare decide to come back

"I've decided you're not worth it.

I won't shed another tear over you.

Why on earth would I cry over someone

who could care less about me?

That only makes me seem pathetic.

And I'm not. I never was.

I was only in love with someone who

didn't have the capability of loving me back."

you have to forget about the one who forgot about you... I CAN LIVE WITHOUT YOU, just have to convinced myself we never met.

don't ask me why, i just can't say goodbye

I wish I could've walked away first.

I hate being the one walked away from.

I mean I knew eventually it was going to end,

I just had no idea when.

I guess that last time was really going to be the last time.

I guess it's a good memory to leave on.

It just sucks because I wish there could have been more.

And it just hurts because there could have been more,

but for some reason it didn't happen.

I don't know that reason,

and now I never will.

I'm just going to let it be,

take is as it comes,

& watch it as it leaves.

"I wonder if he lies awake at night missing me the way I miss him." You gotta know what you have when you have it. Not when you lose it.

"Life is a nightmare."

so fill your heart with what's important & be done with all the rest.

I hope you're happy.

You don't just "get over him." You either still love him or you never did.

Why am I still killing myself over you?

You're not here for me anymore.

Why are you still on my mind?

Am I on your mind too?

Every time I see you just makes it

a thousand times worse.

And I don't know where to turn to next.

All I know is that I miss the person

I thought I knew best.

I don't need to be your everything

but I wished you thought of me

when I need it most.

I wish you actually cared.

I want to explain how exhausted I am.

Even in my dreams.

How I wake up tired.

How I'm being drowned by some kind of black wave.

I know more than you think I do, I'm not stupid.

I'm sick of being hurt, and being thrown around like I mean nothing.

I'm done, I officially give up.

There is no one to blame, I gave you plenty of chances &

you threw them all back in my face.

People can only keep chasing you for so long,

& in the end I need to get back to my own life.

You'll find someone...well, clearly you already have.

I'm in no need of use to you, and well

I'll do quite fine on my own.

Have a nice life, and I hope everything goes well,

and I mean that.

I really do, I'm not bitter anymore.

I just have plenty of things in my life I need to figure out,

& I don't need more weight on my shoulders than I already have.

It was fun while it lasted.

Thank you for making me feel

nervous & excited,

and for being someone

I wanted to see everyday

for this short time

& I've felt something

I never felt before.

I will work on forgetting you.

If you really want something,

you'll make it happen.

If not, you'll make an excuse.

Trust your friends when they say he's not worth it.

They see things you refuse to.

I'm not even upset, hurt, or angy anymore.

I'm just tired.

I'm tired of putting in more effort than receive.

I'm tired of holding on for nothing.

I'm tired of believing all your lies.

I'm tired of you proving me wrong every time.

I'm tired of getting my hopes up

& being disappointed again.

How many times do we have to forgive

someone just because we don't want to lose them?

"Love is friendship that has caught fire.

It is quite understanding,

mutual confidence,

sharing and forgiving.

It is loyalty through good & bad times.

It settles for less than perfection

& makes allowances for

human weaknesses."

~The Quiet

It's never too late to go back & fix things

that didn't work out as planned.

All of us make mistakes &

we hurt the people we love.

It is possible to fix it.

It won't be easy of course,

but if you care enough about someone,

you'll go around the world and back,

just to make things work.

100th post

"But what if I'm the one for him....?"

i won't let you close enough to hurt me

I won't fight to keep you

when you can't take the time

to show me you want me.

it's about chasing the things

you think are truly worth it

even if they don't happen.

Empty fields move me so much more than rooms filled up with friends.

The way the trees look dead reminds me that there's more to life than living.

& maybe giving up's not bad, but part of letting go of you.

If I surrender to this feeling, maybe all the pains & aches will go.

We were never lovers & we will never be now.

I do not regret that, however, I regret

the conversations we never had,

the time we did not spend together.

I regret that I never told him that he made me happy

when I was in his company.

The world was better for his being in it.

These things alone do I now regret: things left unsaid.

I don't get it, I did everything in the book. I ignored you, I avoided you, I pretended, I faked it, I lied about it. I can't get over you, it's officially impossible. If we ever cross paths again, give me a hint at what you did that got you over what we had so fast, I need guidance.

& I'm done hoping that we could work it out.

I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels,

letting you drag my heart around.

I'm done thinking that you could ever change.

I know my heart will never be the same,

but I'm telling myself I'll be okay.

Even on my weakest days I get a lil bit stronger.

I'm not saying that I'm giving up,

I'm just trying not to think as much as I used to,

cause "never" is a lonely little messed up word.

Maybe I'll get it right someday.

For the first time in a long time I can say that I want to try.

I feel helpless for the most part,

but I'm learning to open my eyes.

& the sad truth of the matter is, I'll never get over it,

but I'm gonna try to get better

& overcome each moment in my own way.

I so want to get back on track,

& I'll do whatever it takes, even if it kills me.

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe.

There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me.

Here's a lesson for every single girl out there:

Never, ever settle.

You may think you aren't gorgeous, smart,

& have too many insecurities to count.

But there is going to be someone in the world

who truly loves you for you.

Don't ever think that you've got to put up with some boy's shit

because he's the first one in a long time to show some interest.

You are all beautiful in your own individual way,

so never lower your standards.

I lied when swearing that this year I won't need anyone.

And we fall like shooting stars & autumn leaves,

stay up later than the streetlights,

promising what never could be.

But I can't be anything without you.

I can't be anything without you by my side,

& it just doesn't feel right sleeping alone tonight.

And now I lie awake pining over the words you used to say,

& wondering what they ever meant to you.

We fall, we stand, we cope, we heal, we hope, we pray, we sing,

we steal these lines from the books of hopeless heroes,

& count on someone else to save us all.

Here's to the girls,

the ones that stayed up late,

hoping he'd text back & made up lies pretending

he was too busy to make themselves feel better.

Here's to the ones that gave him their whole heart

just to have it smashed.

The ones who couldn't even talk to

their best friends about it because it seemed

stupid not to be over him yet.

Here's to the ones who stayed up

crying nights in a row, listening to the music

that fit their mood, and still hoped he'd come back.

Don't you want a guy who'll forget about

all the other things in his life before he forgets about you?

Of course I miss him.

I want him.

I need him.

I wake up every morning

knowing with every breath I take,

that I was made for him.

I find it funny how there are so many others

who would catch me if I fall,

but I don't want them to...

I want you to catch me.

You're the one who caught my attention. You're the one that's always on my mind.

Your smile, your eyes, & the way you laugh.

The only sad part is, you feel the same way about someone else.

Please, don't keep me guessing.

Tell me how you feel, tell me it's done,

tell me you want me still.

Tell me anything.

Just talk to me.

When you truly care for someone,

you don't look for faults.

You don't look for answers.

You don't look for mistakes.

Instead, you fight the mistakes.

You accept the faults & you overlook the excuses.

The measure of love is when you love without measure.

There are rare chances that you'll meet the person

you love & who loves you in return.

So once you have it, don't ever let go.

The chance might never come your way again.

If you truly love someone,

you will love them through all the phases they go through. Because we are people and we change,

& we'll keep changing our entire lives.

And if you love that person,

you'll realize they could never turn into someone

you aren't completely in love with anymore.

I'd rather have tough situations with you,

than perfection with someone else.

And I know he loved me then,

I swear to God he did.

It's the way he'd bite my lower lip,

push his hips against my hips,

& dig his nails so deep into my skin.

It's probably the wrong time to tell you.

But, well, maybe it's the perfect time.

I realize how incredibly confusing things

are between us right now.

I can't even begin to explain our relationship.

You probably can't either.

But I just want you to know that if you ever need me,

I'll always be here for you.

All you have to do is ask.

I fucking miss you.

All day,

everyday.

& you can't even imagine

how pathetic it makes me feel

because I don't even know

if you miss me back.

All we have is now.

Be positive.

Be present.

And right now where you are,

I guess you're over it.

But I can't see

how you without me

could possibly make any sense.

I miss you more than I can bare,

but we had our time together.

I have to let you go.

I always wonder why birds choose

to stay in the same place

when they can fly anywhere on the earth.

Then I ask myself the same question.

People who make us happy

are never the people you expect.

If you don't want to talk to me,

then just tell me.

It hurts a lot less than

you just ignoring me.

Some people come into our lives & quickly go.

Some stay for a while, leave footprints in

our hearts, & we are never ever the same.

Do you know how many times I fucking cried for you?

I don't play second option, so either pick me or lose me.

Do more of what makes you happy.

I think about him a lot...you know how it is.

Start wondering if he ever thinks about me,

and if he does, is it the same?

I've got something to say to you,

does it hurt that we don't talk anymore?

You know that it hurts me too,

the way I'm feeling when you don't call.

"So I won't let you close enough to hurt me.

No I won't ask you, you to just desert me.

I can't give you what you think you gave me.

It's time to say goodbye to turning tables."

Regrets come in all shapes & sizes.

Some are small, like when we

do a bad thing for a good reason.

Some are bigger like when

we let down a friend.

Some of us escape the pains of regret

by making the right choice.

Some of us have little time for regret

because we're looking forward to the future.

Sometimes we have to fight to

come to terms with the past,

& sometimes we bury our regret

by promising to change our ways.

But our biggest regrets are not for

the things we did but for

all the things we didn't do,

things we didn't say that could

have saved someone we cared about.

Especially when we can see a dark storm

that's headed their way.