Damnit, i was doing so well!

*SIGH* i can't blame anyone else but myself...this is my own doing. what have i done?! CRAP...yo no se que hacer! i had plans..now it's all ruined. i am so screwed, BIG TIME!

November already?!?!

GEEZ...... it's going to be a crazy first week of november.. not feeling the halloween spirit anymore, i'm getting old on top of that, i've been getting constant headaches..ugh i hope i don't get sick..i hate this weather!! anyway..... i'm trying to get back to KMAB my dad is coming to visit this weekend!! i've got an audition on the 8th and DMA workshop on the 9th in Williamsburg. i need to come up with some money for december NYC trip! i need to take my math placement test before going to boston for thanksgiving. what else..what else?? damn, i need to get on it! off to finish spanish homework!

living the dream...

went to NY for columbus day weekend... it was awesome i saw IN THE HEIGHTS, AMAZING!! lin-manuel is a genius! i loved everything about it and i am officially in love with seth stewart =P luis salgado was wonderful & i praise andy blankenbuehler for his brilliant choreography. karen olivo wow! what an astounding voice. everyone else the whole cast was just perfect! i didn't get to meet them but i very much plan on seeing it again. on another note, i took some classes at New Dance Group & loved it. the teachers were spectacular and now i can go take classes there whenever i'm in the city since i'm a member! i saw my dad and my cousin which was terrific! =D man, seeing IN THE HEIGHTS made me really want to move to NYC and go on broadway. so now, i'm looking at schools to transfer to in manhattan. let's hope everything works out! Los Angeles can wait............for now! haha i've been thinking about writing too. i like to write and i have always written great essays in school. i should take some creative writing classes. i've had ingenious imagination ever since i was little. & i always have these crazy stories that i make up in my head. the problem is i never finish them. so i think i'm gonna work on writing...because hey if my dancing doesn't work out, i can turn to writing. can't believe it's almost november...time flies!

when you don't know what to do, DO NOTHING!

i've been doing nothing the past couple of weeks...but LORD help me I AM BORED OUT OF MY MIND!! yes, i'm doing well in school but i'm sick so haven't gone to the gym i'm broke..haven't been going to dance classes this sucks!! i hope i get an audition soon...please please i need a job!!

the ultimate goal...

to learn and speak spanish fluently by MAY 2009!! no joke. this shouldn't be hard...i have hispanic best friends, i watch spanish soap operas, listen to spanish music, work for PRIMO, & go to spanish events. C'mon!! i can do it!! SI SE PUEDE!! all it takes is hard work and practice!! cuz summer..oh yes, FRENCH!! then when i transfer i'll take a year of it and hopefully be fluent maybe minor in it? is there such a thing as double minor?? LOL scratch that i'm not gonna minor in it when i'm gonna be a double major after i conquer those two languages...it'll be italian then farsi exciting!! then maybe i can finally learn how to cook..LOL!

this constant compromise between thinking & breathing..

i've been having trouble sleeping lately... no matter how tired i am & want to go to sleep i go to bed, and i lay there with eyes closed but don't actually sleep until about 4 or 5AM i think about useless crap..i think in circles when all i wanna do is get some rest and fall asleep last night, i had a huge migraine and went to bed and slept right away at 9pm but woke up at 2:41AM. went to sleep again but woke up at 5AM. now that's 8 hours of sleep but i still couldn't get myself to get out of bed and go to the gym. slept woke up at 7AM...went back to sleep, woke up at 8AM...slept woke up at 11AM..still feeling tired i'm gonna start taking some melatonin to help me sleep....... let's hope for restful sleep in forthcoming days..

am i living now..out loud?

they say that when you write your goals down, they're more likely to come true. i'm a list girl..i write everything down. maybe that's why the stuff i have to do get accomplished or maybe when i know what i want, i go out and get it. i've always been like that though. i DO things..i'm not gonna sit on my ass and wait for things to happen to me. i want something, i go for it..plain and simple. i'm pretty much excited for the next couple of months. everything's going well right now. only taking 2 classes but in october i hope to add about 3 more. school is great, i haven't missed a class and doing my homework. my goal is to acheive an A or the very least a B. next month, i'm going to visit my dad in NY and watch IN THE HEIGHTS which i've been DYING to see. so hey, i'm going to go see it even if it means going to New York alone. Oh well, I'm doing me from now on. in november, Boston again with my dad and sister!! pretty chill Thanksgiving, it's all good. i can't wait til DECEMBER....LA BABY!!!!!!!! finally! i've always talked about going and wanting to go so i'm going....by MYSELF to visit tita annie and tito tosh. how exciting!!!!!!!! i'm over not being able to go home to the Philippines...there's always MAY. january i'm turning 21!!!! weekend in vegas maybe?? with the girls?? who knows...one thing for sure, i'm the one who's going to be planning all of it again like always. february -- no break from school but hopefully this semester i'll be taking as much classes as i can and doing well. march is spring break. i'm thinking hawaii again...with my dad perhaps?? visit matty and ate lani! love it..also the pulse is on tour and i'm thinking of going to their san francisco stop on the 14th-15th! april no break but should be doing great in school may - my dad is most likely getting married in the philippines. original plan was to go to south america [argentina, bolivia, peru] but i only have a week break til summer semester starts also can't take a long break from the studio plus recital is the 1st week of june. so i figured go home for a week for dad's wedding june - summer semester starts, recital, work, work, work, and save up!! july is vacay for a week -- hmmm where to go?? bermuda? england? or if i don't have enough money somewhere close maybe within the country. some beach of course maybe outer banks? of course at the end of july is DANCE MASTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeaaaaa...and hopefully i'll get to do Amy Marshall's program this year. oh also MENTAL NOTE* only teach once a week at the studio in the summer for august SOUTH AMERICA here i come!!!! FALL SEMESTER hope hope hope!! that i'll only have about 4-5 classes left!! take the 1st 8 week session load up! it's sooo worth it because when i'm done in october...apply apply apply to colleges then 2 month break baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!! where oh where should i go?? hmmm...the choices: bermuda, bahamas, england, austria, russia...or i could always go on my caribbean cruise!!!!!!! yeeea baby! oooh the only problem is...the studio i'm prolly gonna take up as much hours as possible but hopefully scheduling will work out *cross fingers* oh and of course go home again in december! then 2010 i hope i get in new york or new jersey.. i really doubt i'll get in georgetown or AU. too expensive and way to hard to get in. i'm no genius. although it would be nice to stay in the area. i won't have to leave the jobs that i LOVE oh so much. but i think i'm ready to leave this place...try out something new..meet new people? of course i'll forever keep in touch with my loves here in DMV that's why i chose NY & NJ so it'll be so much easier for me to go home during breaks and whenever i want yea?? yup! plus moving out to a new house too so don't wanna leave that i hope i get in either marymount manhattan or MSU..brockport is a little too far but cross my fingers...i really like MSU so hope hope hope!! 2010 is of course also the egypt/africa trip! but that's thinking way too far ahead.. so there ya go!! exciting plans..of course my travel plans always go through!! oh and the ultimate goal: LOSE WEIGHT AND GET IN SHAPE in that case, i'll be a better dancer also planning to take more ballroom classes, start belly dancing & flamenco [COOL!!!], learn to play the piano and guitar!!, get back into singing, speak spanish fluently, learn french then italian, then farsi!! i think i can, i think i can!!! si se puede!!! =D i'm out gotta work on spanish homework and got a test today too!

i'm stuck under a rainy cloud but you don't seem to care but it's alright cause it's too late to pretend you know me better than i know myself...

why can't i be like other people who are motivated to go and do well in school? i wish i was.. i wasted 2 years and accomplished nothing i really hope the last couple months of the year will get better for me

new update!

wow i haven't updated in a while...... well EUROPE was amazing..the cruise was awesome and i def. miss it! i really don't mind working at a cruise ship everyone was soo nice..and mostly filipino hahaha my fave places: mykonos, greece istanbul, turkey venice, italy i would soo go back to these places!!! i met my "soulmate" in istanbul LOL!!! inside joke between me & my dad... i missed everyone back in the DMV but i wasn't ready to come back yet... being back home here in VA just means time to get back to all my responsibilities..BLAH!! que gay! i've been working all weekend..i'm soo tired but i gotta make my money since i got a lot to pay for. i gotta get back on my school grind since i'm behind plus perfomance is next week...damn!!! let me stop thinking about these or i'm gonna lose my mind! it's 1:30am and i gotta get up early so signing out til next time!

don't regret it but i still live with the side effects...

i have a curse... when it comes to guys yup, that's it.

i can feel the pressure..it's getting closer now

i need to get it together...QUICK! no one else can help me other than myself so i need to get my shit straight...i only have 3 weeks to do so

enough is enough..

i'm so fuckin sick of these dumb ass mother fuckers...seriously how fucking disappointing..i mean in the back of my mind I KNEW this was bound to happen again but i was just kind of hoping that things will change & maybe *this* time i'm going to take a chance & risk it what a fucking IDIOT...imbecil! we're best friends..& i told you that, obvio we tell each other everything but i didn't really think that you were stupid enough to try to play me & get with her at the same time without both of us not finding out or did you just think that you wouldn't get caught? how fucking DENSE can you be? this is why i'm ANTI-MEN. i have about five close girlfriends, the rest are guys. & all of them are either liars, cheaters, or one of those who play mind games. if that isn't bad enough..it seems that every guy i meet are like that. it's like there aren't any decent men out there and the ones that are decent are taken. Guys are truly fucked up i am not a fucking doormat, i don't like being used, & i will not get strung along. there is no way that i will be second to anyone. & i will never ever let a guy get in between a friendship. so FUCK YOU i don't need a man in my life to be happy. i have goals to accomplish and ambitions/dreams to follow. i've had ENOUGH of this if you want to try and holla, i suggest you DON'T, cuz i'm not falling for any crap. unless you come at me with all seriousness and can offer me a real relationship, don't fucking waste my time with bullshit. PLAIN & FUCKING SIMPLE! i am not just any other girl. i have MORALS. it would take a whole lot more for me to trust anyone and don't even think for a second that you can lie & play me without me not finding out. trust me, you swear you got game and can fuck around? oh no honey, that's where you're wrong. think you can play games? i play them better... watch out, Queen Bitch is out & you better not get in her way.

please don't stop the music...

i am definitely having the BEST week EVER! i haven't been so content in such a long time..i feel like half the weight of the world is off my shoulders..hallelujah! my grades from my classes last semester were good and i passed..they let me enroll in two more classes *woop* plus, i'm having a blast this spring break! yes, we ended up not going to miami..but it doesn't matter. as long as we're all together we always make the best of it and still have fun =D starting Saturday, March 8th i went to Bethesda to take a master class workshop with jamile mcgee from "so you think you can dance?" it was a lot of fun! too bad i didn't get to take a video... took my economics final and passed! Monday -- saw my grades and got enrolled *woop* THEN finally! i got to apply for my visa Tuesday -- i went out with my GIRLS! at LIMA we danced the night away and had a blast! we also met and made a new friend pablo LOL Thursday which was last night..we went to Bowl of America and went all out bowling. then to IHOP Tonight -- haven't heard from moaz..but i'm suppose to dance at this nightclub with lizeth and get paid on Saturday -- hip hop class at mason then dinner for cynthia's birthday at Caribbean Breeze Sunday -- practica then gonna go dance til the dawn at PORTALES Monday school starts again (boo!) but i got all easy classes so piece of cake! i put up our retarded videos on youtube..they are hilarious! http://www.youtube.com/avrilmvh and of course i have loads of pics! LOL well off to get a head start on all my assignments ciao!

& i am working oh so hard to get back to who i used to be

YUP!..... pretty much in a good mood =) i am finally starting to get my shit together i hope things will keep looking up! xo

i miss HOME...

yes, once again i am whining... but damn i really do miss the philippines *crossing my fingers* for DECEMBER!

right off the top of my head....

TO DO TODAY: -enrollment SPA 201 -Write interview -email PED 116 -Read SDR chapters -ENG essay -Review Math -Kuder Research -figure out schedule for the next two weeks -salliemae things to do friday: -apply for visa -go to alexandria campus -buy books for REL class -take math placement test -go to library watch SDV DVDs -Career Counselor [resume] -Computer Lab: print interview, resume, SDV papers [2], degree progress report -turn in SDV packet by 430pm! -get car cleaned -go to bank -practice piano -modern/hip hop class -study TRV 112 -finish ECON papers -start REL 231 Saturday: -9am mus 141 class -take test? -Master class workshop in bethesda @ 230pm -ECON papers -TRV 112 -REL 231 -Practice Piano Sunday: -Modern/jazz class -practica -Econ papers -TRV 112 -REL 231 -Piano

& here we go again...

i wonder if i'm gonna get any sleep tonight? TO DO LIST: -apply for visa @ the spanish consulate -go to tutoring center -go to the writing center -get all economics papers done -go to all my dance classes this week -go to the gym everyday -take math placement test by wednesday -review TRV 112 -take exam 1 for TRV 112 -degree progress report -get all SDV 100 assignments done =visit a museum [art gallery] =interview naty =worksheets =kuder research =visit career counselor about resume =apply for financial aid =apply for scholarships -practice the piano and do chapter 2 -sign up for SPA 201 ELI starting march 4th -call salliemae loans -papers for ENG 111 -get another job TRAVELING PLANS FOR THE NEXT MONTHS: April/May - Med. cruise in Europe End of May - New York / Rehoboth Beach, DE? July - Cabo or Puerto Rico or volunteer work at some other country End of July - DanceMasters Conference in Buffalo, NY August - Amy Marshall Dance Company in New York 3rd week of August - Bermuda December - Philippines

everything happens for a reason

"sometimes things fall apart..so other things can fall in place together" maybe this is for the best...

you start to wonder why you're here not there, & you'd give anything to give what's fair but fair ain't what you really need

why is it that after my birthday things ALWAYS go downhill?? i hate this damn month...absolutely hate it. i cannot wait til summer gets here..screw spring..summer come already! so my birthday was AMAZING! after having such a shitty past couple of weeks, i couldn't have asked for a better birthday! i got pulled over for supposively "running a stop sign" BULL!!!! asshole cop..he let me go though with a warning since it was my special day. i had dinner with one of my bests moaz then unexpectedly had a SURPRISE party at lizeth's house. Half of the people there i did not expect to be there since i haven't seen them in so long. we partied it up and danced and i fell while "getting low" LOL only i would do that of course...then about maybe half an hour into the party..the cops knocked on the door. DAMN! two years in a row cops came to my party! well they gave us a warning to turn the music down..but yea right like we were gonna do that! so we relocated 5 minutes away to carlos' house. FUN! CAKE in the face..then more dancing..and pictures taken....until about 4-5am..we decided to leave and go to IHOP. the next night went out with lizeth to 1223. hung out with sheldon..went to ultrabar then back to 1223...danced the night away, then we all went to fuddrucker's to eat since we were hungry. sunday went to ON THE BORDER with a few peeps and drank a little. All in all it was FUN and i would never forget it =D of course birthday weekend is over so time to get my head out of the clouds and back to reality. stressing yet once again about school...and being broke..i really need money. i haven't work in about two weeks. more bad news...i won't be coming home to the Philippines in April as planned. It's obvious from the very beginning that both my parents did not want me to go home. well, mission accomplished! tell me mom and dad...are you happy now? i'm extremely upset...it's not fair. i haven't been home in about 9 years. I WANT TO SEE MY FAMILY...I WANT TO SEE OLD FRIENDS. can't they understand that? on top of that, my grandpa is not doing very well and might not be able to live for very long. i wanna see him! they keep saying...oh just go another time...WHEN?!!? when..tell me...because everytime i'm suppose to go home something always come up and i end up not going. you've been putting it off and pushing it back for NINE years. it is completely unfair that my dad gets to go home every couple of months and my mom gets to go in April. when will i get to go see everybody? *sigh* i can't wait til spring break..i need to get away from here..from everything

not in the mood...

this is the most down i've ever felt in the past couple of weeks.. not answering any calls/texts...not responding to any messages when is it going to look up? i don't know..you tell me

i don't want to think about it....

No I don't....

we can get closer....if we just...

i CANNOT let myself give up....i definitely can't since i tend to do that sometimes i am extremely stressed out on school...i know i can do this i'm just exhausted of just about everything and it's only the 2nd week!! spanish class is killing me......on the brighter side ballroom class is fun =) i need to learn how to manage my time wisely i just want to be DONE so i can transfer ASAP...but i also have to work to save up money and dance as much as i can..and i also have a life damn, i don't know how i do it sometimes... i will get through this somehow...i just want to close my eyes and sleep can i get a break please?!

do you think you can fight it?

WEDDING is TOMMOROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D two new NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION: #1 -- no more getting involve with guys who have girlfriends, guys who just got out of a relationship, guys who still live with their ex, guys who talk about their ex, guys who are talking to someone etc. etc...basically no more guys since all men are scums! #2 -- be a BITCH...a big bitch! only be nice to people who deserve it signing out, xo

i'm giving up on myself...again

i don't know what to do anymore....

damn..

still sick...blah!!

my list

just stuff that i really want: spiderman box set pirates of the carribean: at world's end DVD across the universe DVD I AM LEGEND DVD P.S. I LOVE YOU DVD Sweeney Todd DVD BOOKS: South Beach Chicas Catch their Men by Caridad Pinero Divas Don't Yield by Sofia Quintero Winter Season by Toni Bentley Dancing on Thorns by Rebecca Horsfall White Swan, Black Swan by Adrienne Sharp Tales of a Wannabe Cosmopolitan by Ellie Madison Dead by Sunset by Ann Rule

every night you cry yourself to sleep thinking why does this happen to me? why does every moment have to be so hard?

so as excited as i was for the new year....it started off pretty bad got in a bad fight with mi mamita so i was pretty much cranky from the beginning and now i'm fucking sick...AGAIN would've gone to the hospital if my fever didn't go down..grr so new year's resolution: we all know that i work way too much, don't sleep, and pretty much don't eat right, the #1 goal is to start taking better care of myself #2 is to shed pounds #3 learn spanish and french fluently #4 learn how to play the piano..then guitar #5 learn ballroom #6 do well in school #7 travel as much as i can #8 get into AU