I was cleaning out unneccessary pictures & videos on FB.
Lately, I'm trying to be more careful & watch what I post on here,
whether it's on Twitter, YouTube, Myspace, etc...
I like my privacy & I'm also thinking of my future.
Of course, looking back at old pics/vids brings back memories.
Nostalgia is a BITCH.
Thinking about where & how I was this time last year,
that wave of depression comes flooding back.
It's not as bad as before. I don't know if I'm getting used to it
or it's because I'm numb to it.
I think that's it. I'm numb.
I can't really feel anything anymore.
I'm just tired.
& times like these, I can't wish for anything else
but for August to come soon enough.
I wish I could just pick up & GO.
But I know that I'm going to need all this time
& use it as much as I can to prepare for this big move.
This is HUGE for me & I must say I am absolutely
positively terrified. But I'm going.
I'm doing it. I need to.
& maybe I'm running away from something
like I always do.
But I'm also running towards something
I should've done five years ago.
I'm scared.
& I wish you still cared.
I don't miss you as much anymore,
I can feel you slipping away,
I can feel you forgetting me.
& I'm numb.
I wish I didn't care so much.
I wish it was easy like it is for you.
I just thought I at least meant something to you.
I thought I did. I guess I was wrong.
I look forward & just think about how my life would be like
months from now, even as far as next year.
I hope I'm happy. God, I sure do hope so.
If not, then my feelings win.
They'll end up being right,
that I will never feel this way about anyone ever again.
That's discouraging & hopeless...
Nostalgia is a bitch.
This place reminds me of you.
All the memories have faded & yet,
you're still here.
It's been so long and I still can't let you go...
Nothing makes me happy anymore.
How do I keep holding on to someone who could care less about me?
Dear heart,
Quit telling me not to give up.
& brain, stop listening to heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment